Expectations Examined

Expectations get a bad rap. “Happiness is reality minus expectations,” is a refrain I hear from some seemingly enlightened circles, and it sounds good in theory. “The moment you stop having expectations is the moment you start having peace,” I think was said by people who don’t actually live in reality. I’m not buying this expectation of having no expectations. As I see it, we all have expectations all the time, but we become most aware of them when the expectations aren’t met.

I had a brand-new beautiful bamboo cutting board gracing the kitchen countertop. A gaggle of friends came over and we cooked dinner together. Lovely conversation and groceries filled the space, and then it happened. I turned around and eyed my dear friend so generously contributing to the meal. Right in front of me, she placed a big blob of raw shiny chicken in the middle of that pristine new cutting board. I caught my breath and looked at her face then the cutting board and back to her face trying to make sense of it all as she proceeded to wield a sharp knife, carving deep grooves of deathly salmonella into the grains of the wood.

Well. I didn’t know that everyone didn’t operate from the “we have separate cutting boards for meat and vegetable, and never the two shall mix” rule, and that we all didn’t agree that wood and raw meat don’t mix. For those who say we don’t have expectations, I ask that we examine just the first 30 minutes of our day. I expect that when I turn the faucet, water will come out. And that my freshly washed clothes that I am pulling on don’t smell like armpits. And that when I eat, I will feel filled. And that when I turn on my computer, my keyboard will work.

So, as I see it, it’s not about releasing expectations. It’s about how we respond when they aren’t met. There are so many options. Laughing it off. Just noticing. Communicating for things to be different next time. Creating a new system. Changing expectations. Being a little annoyed (instead of a lot) and stepping into action. What expectations have you learned that you have from them being broken?

Best,

Julie