Proud. Happy. Relieved.

That’s how I feel now, as my 19-year-old son and I spend an afternoon together at the climbing gym.

Katie and I used to come here together to talk a little about work and a lot about life in between the climbs. She passed away 9 months ago now. As I touch the climbing holds that she also touched, my heart is heavy, but also grateful for her.

She had a gym membership, and she’d give me her one free monthly guest pass. I remember many-a-conversation strategizing about parenting our sons as we’d untie our ropes and prep for the next one. During the Zoom high school years especially, I desperately wanted my son to find drive and motivation and passion. I wondered what I had done wrong. I worried. Those were precious and vulnerable times; sharing and hoping and strategizing with a dear friend.

After my son’s first few months in CA at college (a community college in a beach town, with a dorm, to be exact), I asked about his end of semester grades. With trepidation, I might add. To my surprise, they were great. When I asked him what the secret was, he shared something so profound and also not profound. “The classes were interesting!” Psychology and philosophy and art; all classes that he chose, and he says that he took more notes in the first week than in his entire high school career. And then it all made sense.

At work, I am talking daily about the 3 things that are needed by the modern employee to be engaged & retained in the workplace. Two of those had been missing for him: growth and purpose. What he was missing in high school was the opportunity to choose what he learned, to have an impact, and to lean into a cause and education that mattered to him. He wasn’t driven to people-please, to play the game, or try when there seemed like no relevant point. His school’s structure wasn’t built to support a kid like that. Once he got out, he soared. He is now working for AmeriCorps and spends weeks outside building trails. He’s advancing his rock-climbing skills at record speed (and being a leadership coach, I was tickled when he said, “Mom, I’ve learned to lead!”). He’s earned a chainsaw certificate, loves to paint, ID plants, and is planning to hike part of the Pacific Crest Trail. He’s curious and creative and says things like “I’ve found my calling.” I am overjoyed. Today at the gym, we climb routes named “dog milk,” and “three hours later,” while we laugh and sweat and support each other’s dreams.

In high school, students have little impact over their trajectory and how their days are mapped. At work, I can only hope that we, as leaders, can craft a different environment. Can we ask our team members how they want to grow, and what they want to learn? Despite being busy and understaffed and with long to-do lists? How can we uncover their agenda instead of just offering ours? How can we put growth and purpose on their path to fall into?

Katie, if you were here with me, I would be beaming to tell you that everything turned out okay. And I would thank you for your support with my growth and purpose.